Monday, April 25, 2011

Too Much

Lately I've been feeling like I've been doing too much for some people in my life. Usually I think that I'm not doing enough for people, but in this case I can honestly say that I am probably doing too much. I just can't say no to (certain) people. I mean, I genuinely love helping others out (it gives me a rush and makes me soooo happy, like indescribably happy), but this has gone a little too far. If they asked me to jump in front of a train for them I probably would. I am always doing whatever they want/need me to do, and it's starting to wear down on me.

Part of the reason is that they don't really reciprocate how much work I put into our relationships. That is partly my fault as well though because I never ask them for anything. Ever. Actually, I have like once and they came through for me, but otherwise there's never really been an opportunity for them to help me. But even when I do a lot for them, they don't really do as much for me as I would like them too.

Are my expectations too high? Should I expect them to do as much for me as I do for them? Or is this all my own fault because I set this precedence by never, ever saying no? Am I over-reacting? Am I just being a good friend like anyone else? Should I bring this up to them and let them know I'm feeling a little used and they could maybe do more? Or should I just keep my mouth shut, tone it down, or keep it at the same speed and maybe they'll surprise me?

Thursday, April 14, 2011


I figured that I should update my blog since it's been a while. And I'm also in a Chem 105 review for a while longer, so when would be a better time than now?

Finals have begun. I have four this year, well really three, but really only two. My English 316 class has a "final", but we don't. We just have to show up and get our final projects (which I think we rocked). I also have a final in Nutrition Through the Life Cycle, but as long as you fill out the study guide you will pretty much get 100% on the test. So my real finals that I am worried about are Chem 105 and clinical nutrition. I calculated my grades for Chem 105, and as long as I get at least an 84.3% on the final, I will get an A. I also calculated by grades for my clinical class, and I would have to get a 97% on the final to get an A. That really isn't feasible, so I've reconciled myself that I am going to get an A- in that class. That is a HUGE blow to my GPA and partially to my self esteem, but I'll rebound.

I am actually surprised at how well I have done this past semester. I have been out of control with my playing and it's been showing in my school work. I should get an A in all of my classes except clinical, so that's not too bad. The great thing is that I am having so much more fun than usual and my grades are still pretty good. So all I need to do work through my finals, and I'll be okay.

Boys are meh. I have lots of friends, but not any that are willing to make more out of our friendship. I have my eye on a couple, so I'm just trying to be patient so that things will hopefully work out. These friends are great, so I don't wanna ruin anything. And we do a lot together, but I think that we are stuck in the "friend zone" and I don't know how to get out of it. I honestly don't think that I will ever get out of the "friend zone" with the ones I have my eyes on. I need to be realistic, and realistically nothing will happen. But we are good friends, and we enjoy being together, so at least I have another best guy friend. I think that's my lot in life.

I have had a lot of opportunities lately to be there for people when they need me. A few of my friends have been going through some hard times, and they have trusted me enough to talk to me about their worries and struggles. I have felt so useful and so special for being that person that others can come to. Even though it is a little bit of a burden for me (just because I feel for them and worry about them), it has been one of the most rewarding periods of my life. I have always prayed to be "that person" that is always there for other people, and now my prayers are being answered. I am just so happy that people trust me enough to talk to me.

That's about it. If anything else exciting in my life happens I'll write.